Right, settle in. This is the bit of the week where Celebrity Intelligence does what it does best, covering a $200 million Iñárritu film and a reality TV publicist scandal with exactly the same level of seriousness, because frankly, they deserve it. Wimbledon decided it's now just as much a Hollywood premiere as a tennis tournament, Taylor and Travis proved that no amount of decoy jets and black umbrellas can outrun a plane spotter with too much time on their hands, and Tom Cruise disappeared into a fat suit for a director who once made Leo eat raw bison liver. We've also got Madonna dropping the best album of her career while everyone insists on talking about her age instead, and a genuinely messy one, a divorce publicist who apparently forgot which side she was supposed to be neutral on.

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